Fidelity and Physical Intimacy L 11

They Twain Shall Be One: By Brent A. Barlow shares, “In spite of the potentially joyful aspects of sexuality in marriage, for many, it is a source of frustration and even contention. Indeed, the inability of married couples to intimately relate to each other is one of the major causes of divorce.” He goes on to say, “people get an inaccurate view from parents who were too embarrassed to discuss such matters with their children or who were so concerned that their children live the law of chastity that they taught only the negative consequences of the improper use of intimacy.”

Barlows’ last statement hits home for me. My parents were very private. Sex/Sexual intimacy was not talked about. If it was mentioned, it was usually attached to the negatives, can’t, don’t or shouldn’t. I remember waking up the morning after I was married. I opened my eyes and saw my husbands face. The first thought that ran through my head was, “my parents are going to kill me!” Thankfully, seconds later reality came and I was able to laugh about it. It was funny at the time, but it continually created personal feelings of shame. It was hard for me to switch my thinking from, “No-don’t” to “It’s ok”.  I see that my parents were trying to protect me, but it took years to alter my thinking. I have used my experience to hopefully help my children. Especially my daughter. With my children, we have been open to addressing questions they might have about their bodies and sex. We have made it a point to make comments like, “when you are married.” I want my children to know their bodies are sacred and created to function as designed by our Heavenly father. Sex is not negative or bad. It is important to emphasize the sacredness of intimacy and wait for when the time is right. Hopefully, this will allow them to have a positive relationship and be willing and able to talk to their spouse. 

“The fact is, God made man, male and female; he planted in their bosoms those affections which are calculated to promote their happiness and union.” As husbands and wives learn to give of themselves and to understand each other’s’ needs and desires, these affections will grow until they do indeed “promote their happiness and union.”

Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage by Sean Brotherson addresses ways couples can seek answers about sexual fulfillment. One of them is to remember, “the dialogue about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife.” It is important we give ourselves permission to talk about sex with our spouse.

Before I was sealed, my stake president gave some advice I have never forgotten. First, Sexual relation between my husband and I were to be kept sacred between us. Second, we both needed to feel comfortable, loved and respected by each other. Third, Stay away from any form of pornography as a couple or individually. I'm grateful for the advice he gave. Couples must communicate about their intimacy.  “Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.” - President Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982],

Sean E. Brotherson mother gives him great advice “sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love.”

I think education on sex/intimacy within the family setting has improved over the years. I don’t think the conversational is as “taboo” as it has been in past generations. There are resources out there for couples to help strengthen their relationships. Couples will be blessed as they work together with patience, love, respect, and sacredness to addressing issues one or the other may have.