L7 Staying Emotionally Connected 

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman shares the importance of couples having a shared meaning. He says, “Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together- a culture rich with symbols and rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you and lead you to understand who you are as a family.” He goes on to share 4 Pillars of shared meaning

Pillar 1- Rituals and Connections – These are structured events or routines that you depend on and reinforce togetherness. These may include eating dinner together

Pillar 2- Support for each other roles- Spouses support each other emotionally and financially and see eye to eye on Philosophical and spiritual aspects of life.

Pillar 3- Shared goals- Sharing what makes life meaningful and the goals strived to achieve them.

Pillar 4- Shared Values and Symbols-Philosophical tenants that guide how you wish to conduct your lives. Example- Religion or what a home means.

These important pillars enrich and strengthen marriages and relationships. I think Pillar number 1 is something that can be used to strengthen our marriage and our families. In a past class, I learned just how important rituals are to a family/marriage. Some important rituals as a family are Family home evening, family dinner, birthday celebrations, and family prayers. They bring families together to connect laugh and strengthen bonds. In a marriage ritual may include, saying. I love you, having a special name for each other, anniversary celebrations, Hello and goodbyes kisses. These are little things that are important in every marriage. They keep the love alive and remind our spouse that we matter to them.

With Valentine’s day passing, I couldn’t help but think of a ritual we have with our kids. Since my daughter was about 4 my husband has always bought her a special Valentine. He delivered flowers to her all through her junior high/high school years and still hasn’t missed a year. She loved walking around school with flowers. She also loved the reaction her friends gave her when she told them it was from her dad. That ritual in itself makes me fall deeper in love with him every year. I give valentines to the kids and we have a special candlelight dinner as a family with Goblets and our best dishes. It’s something we all look forward to each year. At first, I struggled thinking about rituals my husband and I share besides our anniversary get-away. I started to think on a smaller scale and many things came to mind. Things like my husband insisting we sit together at church so he can hold my hand, or his calling me throughout the day just to chat or tell me he loves me. If we're going somewhere, he always lets me shower first so I have plenty of hot water and more time to get ready. It really is the little things he does that lets me know he loves me and is thinking about me. Marriage can be taken over by busy schedules, kids and stress. Using these pillars, we can continue to build and strengthen a lasting relationship of love, respect, and togetherness by turning to each other.